It’s pretty common for mentors to assume that their mentees have a vision for themselves. In fact, there are many that start off mentoring where they think that their mentees have one that is similar to their own. That assumption, however, is frequently false. It isn’t just that there are differences. Most mentees haven’t spent much time simply thinking about what’s important to them nor how they see themselves in the future. Instead, most are focused on what their peers or manager think of them. That shared vision that mentors thought they had is actually their mentees mimicking them.
One of the reasons I use Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book “Be Useful” in book studies is that its first chapter is all about having a vision for yourself. The simplest and hardest truth is that before your mentee, frankly anyone, can have meaningful growth, they first must see the person that they want to be. That chapter, “Have a Clear Vision”, is a fantastic way to start a mentorship. It’s about creating and maintaining that personal vision. Once your mentee begins forming one, you can then start figuring out what to do about it.
Why having a vision matters
I like to start my mentorships focused first on helping create that personal vision. The focus and clarity from a mentee’s vision, even an early stage one, is the foundation for every meaningful mentor / mentee relationship. Without it, mentees are likely to not really understand mentorship advice and will instead end up paying more attention to the WHATs on recommendations as opposed to the WHYs behind them.
Without a personal vision, mentees will unconsciously start copying their mentor’s because they don’t yet know what theirs look like. A lot of energy can be burnt up if not enough time is spent upfront finding their vision; discovering the core things that matter to them. Whether they need a lot of prodding or a little nudging, you also need to deeply understand their vision for your advice to land correctly. The lessons that shaped you made sense to you because they aligned with your vision. If your mentee tries to adopt those outright, they won’t have the same meaning. That can lead to confusion, frustration, and even rejection because of having differing visions.
The most effective mentors don’t just talk about what worked for them. Great mentors seek first to understand their mentees and what truly drives them even when they don’t know themselves. It is that understanding that allows them to focus their mentorship around those passions. It is that focus that leads to effective growth.
How much time do you spend on vision
The short answer is that it never ends. A person’s vision evolves over time. What is important is that you spend enough time where you can be completely confident that you have identified one or more things that your mentee deeply values. That is done by seeing how your mentee cares about different things both at work and at home; not by what advice you think is resonating. This process is what people sometimes think of as getting to know your mentee however it is a lot deeper than that.
Taking a shortcut here and giving advice too soon, regardless of what framework, strategy, or methodology you are following, will always get you into a situation where some of your advice won’t stick. That is because you have not shaped your mentorship around the things that matter to your mentee.
Remember, you can only be effective with people, not efficient. That is precisely why mentorship does not scale and you must spend as much time as it takes to help them form that personal vision. Some mentees you encounter will already have a strong vision for themselves, likely already established by a previous mentor or coach. They might not have all the details fleshed out but they know where they want to going. A lot, however, do not, especially new or recent grads; perhaps reflective of one of the great failings of our current academic environment which is more centered on completing assignments versus thinking intellectual. It shouldn’t be surprising that many new grads even from top universities have not actually stopped and reflected deeply on themselves to discover things that they truly care about.
The time spent on forming a vision will be well worth it, even if it is weeks or months. By doing it at the beginning, your mentees will fully understand that your mentorship isn’t about your approval but about their growth.
Fostering their vision
While it is likely that you will find common interests with your mentees, especially in the early stages, avoid the temptation of talking about your vision and what worked for you. Instead, use those interests as well as the ones that aren’t in common to create space for reflection. Ask probing questions and test observations to deepen their thinking; it must be more than just an accounting of how your mentees like to spend their time. The passions that you are looking for are central to their identity.
This process means you must be accepting when parts of their vision don’t resemble yours. That is ok and to be expected. Remember that your ultimate purpose as a mentor isn’t to create copies of yourself. It’s to help others build a life that is true to them.
I often use ChatGPT these days to help new mentees create a mission statement. You’ll be surprised at just how many haven’t ever made one before. ChatGPT is excellent at quickly taking a bunch of raw unorganized ideas and thoughts and putting structure around them:
- Ask your mentee for the things that they value the most
- 3 things at work
- 2 things at home
- 1 big personal goal
- Feed that into ChatGPT as a prompt
- State that these are the things at work and at home that are important to your mentee along with one of their big personal goals
- End the prompt with the following
- Create a mission statement for my mentee
- Read it out loud to your mentee
- Talk about what ChatGPT created
- See what is important and meaningful
- Encourage them to reflect and to try creating their own mission statements
- Revisit this mission statement every few months
- Remind them that visions are suppose to evolve as people grow
- They are living documents
- Remind them that visions are suppose to evolve as people grow
Forming and maintaining a clear vision is a critical first step in mentorship. Starting with one and coming back to it will help your mentees focus on personal growth that has a direct line to how they define themselves.
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