Push Pace

I am an active marathoner though I only came to it in my mid 40ies. I was motivated initially to get faster at my halves and it has definitely done that. In following a regiment of weekly long runs with daily short ones, I finally broke four hours at the Bend, Oregon marathon this year. However, it has become more than just about the speed for me. It’s about the grind now; something I’ve always been drawn to.

Marathons, unsurprisingly, are hard and require intentional effort and training. I expected that. I was surprised though how naturally it fit into my lifestyle. For all my life, I’ve always worked hard. I identified with working hard. Marathoning gave me perspective that I had not gotten from my career. I realized that I seek achievement on things that are personal to me. I was getting some of that out of my career but it became obvious with marathoning. It challenged me to commit to something that nobody else was asking me to do but me. I found that the pursuit of a personal achievement was me exercising my grit.

To exercise grit is to live a life of personal achievement

Working hard towards a personal goal often gets misunderstood. People on the outside generally see the goal but not all the hard work. So it often gets labeled as ambition or career mindedness. I think there’s a better way to describe it: achievement focused. The personal goal drives and focuses all the hard work, your grit, and the achievements are measures of progress. You have to train your grit just like you would train any muscle. Years of hard and uncomfortable work; measuring incremental progress with achievements; and making tweaks and adjustments to how you work hard and strive for those achievements aimed at that personal goal.

What makes grit powerful is that it’s tied to purpose, a goal that is personal to you. It’s not just endurance or toughness that comes with learning how to work hard. It’s committing to a challenge that deeply matters to you. A challenge that you are willing to get yourself beaten up over and over again just to gain an inch on that mile long journey. That isn’t limited to titles or status. Personal achievements are all the small incremental victories and successes, the inches.

For me, endurance running is one of my passions. Each race completed, every medal, and yes those age group podiums I now occasionally get in local halves are my personal achievements in the journey of getting better at endurance running. I haven’t fully unpacked why that matters so much to me but I know it is a great example of me exercising my grit.

Personal growth is strengthen your grit

True personal growth does not come from checking a box and it certainly does not come from a title or status. It comes from learning how to grind through the hard work in pursuit of a personal goal. Learning how to not give up and to keep trying and striving no matter how much pain you go through to get that inch. Learning how to grind it out with your eye on the prize while keeping a smile and positive attitude is what builds true character.

That personal goal doesn’t have to be running. That’s just what I am passionate about. For someone else, it might be playing an instrument, creative writing, or cooking. What matters is that the effort is personal to you on a deep level. It is your passion that will drive you to do the hard work, and more hard work, and to keep on working hard because a real personal goal is unending. Remember that true hard work is intentional and uncomfortable; it’s focused on doing something that is hard for you; it isn’t just going through the motions.

True personal goals don’t have defined end states; achievements do. That is why achievements are measures of progress towards a goal. That means you will never be finished. That’s the point. With running, it isn’t about completing a race; it is about doing it better next time whether it is faster or longer. In cooking, it isn’t about following a recipe; it is about perfecting it whether it is through adding personal touches or improving techniques. Creative writing isn’t about finishing one story; it is about becoming a better storyteller.

It is the hard work in the pursuit of that goal that matters because you chose to do it. Progress demands more from you each time. Progress asks you to show up even when it’s hard; especially when it’s hard. Grit is how we meet those hard moments; moments that define us. Achievement is how we know we’ve made progress.

It’s never too late to start exercising your grit

I started marathoning in my 40ies. It wasn’t some radical departure from who I was as I already loved running. I did, however, make a much deeper commitment to it. I became intentional about it. I leaned into the hard work. Everyone has a thing that they love but not everyone has grit. Maybe you’ve been circling something for years, waiting for the right time or signal to begin. Stop waiting and just commit.

If you have something you love doing, regardless of what anyone else thinks, take it to the next level. No shortcuts. No judgment. Just commitment and start doing the hard work, the grind. The sooner you commit, the sooner you start exercising your grit, the sooner you start realizing true personal growth.

The pandemic forced remote work and Zoom meetings on us. It has changed how we work with people. It’s faster. It’s more efficient. It’s also way more transactional. Gone are random hallway chats, coffee breaks that turn into career conversations, and the subtle cues we just picked up on by being around each other. It is a bit lazy for anyone to point at Zoom for the decline in mentorship; it is only part of the story.

The reality is that mentorship was fragile before the pandemic. It always has been because real mentorship is hard for companies and managers to “develop” or “invest in”. It isn’t their fault though. Mentoring is focused on personal growth and development of people; not the delivery of a good or service. It isn’t surprising that most companies barely reward or recognize mentors let alone have figured out how to make it work across distances. Remote work didn’t destroy mentorship; it just revealed how little corporate infrastructure there is to support it.

Remote workers were never full members of the tribe

Prior to the pandemic, remote employees were often kept at arm’s length from office culture. They dialed in; participated in meetings; got their work done; but weren’t part of casual conversations, last minute brainstorms, or spontaneous mentoring moments that happen by being in the office. They weren’t in the room when the real relationships were being built and that was an accepted norm.

Many of us are remote at least part of the time now so the entire workplace has taken on a more distant feeling. There are fewer chances to connect informally; fewer opportunities for junior employees to ask offhand questions; and fewer moments for senior employees to notice someone that is starting to stand out. The office environment that naturally allowed for mentorship never really materialized over Zoom.

Mentorship is not management: It shouldn’t be measured

A big misconception about mentorship is that it’s just another management activity.

It’s NOT.

Mentorship is a voluntary, relational act. It’s rooted in trust, curiosity, and a willingness to be vulnerable on both sides. A good mentor doesn’t just spout advice. They make space for someone to grow, stumble, and ask questions that they don’t feel safe asking. Mentors create and lead the tribe.

Mentorship is very personal and the fit between mentor and mentee goes both ways. So it can’t be assigned or measured. The moment it gets included in a performance review or tied to a metric, it will turn into a checkbox where people will go through the motions to have it marked as done. That’s not mentorship. That’s a lose / lose.

Why do some people mentor and others don’t

Whether or not someone mentors is personal. You can’t force someone to mentor or fault them if they don’t. That is like choosing who your kid’s friends are. For those that do mentor, there are a range of reasons.

Some mentor because someone did it for them. Others because they genuinely care about helping people grow. Maybe they see someone that reminds them of a younger version of themselves.

Mentorship takes time, emotional labor, and a degree of cultural fluency. There are many people that want to mentor but don’t because it is challenging and Zoom has made it even harder. Not only is it more difficult to mentor but also to get advice and guidance on how to be effective at it; the mentorship of the mentor. Without guidance, support, or community, even the most well meaning potential mentors get frustrated and give up.

Without mentors, junior employees drift. They feel isolated, unsupported, and unsure how to navigate a workplace where so much happens off camera.

We don’t know how to build tribes online

The decline of mentorship is not a scheduling issue. It’s a cultural one. In physical offices, mentors play a huge role in building the tribe. They are the ones who tell the backstories, explain the unspoken and off book rules, and make others feel like they belong. In a remote first world, that tribe is harder to build because in truth we’ve never invested in building it.

Slack channels, Zoom meetings, and digital dashboards are great for getting things done but they do nothing for relationships. What’s missing is the social component: the shared jokes, the casual check ins, the mutual recognition that we’re in this together. Without that, mentors don’t have a way to add new tribe members.

Tribal culture

Those of us that want to mentor don’t need more formal mentorship programs. We just need to do things differently. That is going to involve spending a bunch of personal time experimenting, failing, and eventually figuring out things that work for you and your mentees.

Virtual break rooms and hallways: Create digital spaces that aren’t about work or projects and are limited to only 2 or 3 people. Small is good because when is the last time you had a deep coffee chat with a party of 8.
Be a proactive mentor: More than ever it is on you to seek and create mentoring opportunities. You can’t rely on bumping into people in the break room over coffee or lunch. You have to make these moments happen and trust that people will appreciate them.
Allow the tribe to form: Stop trying to systematize mentorship. It can’t be forced. Let it happen naturally. Focus on the relationships and the people.

Mentorship thrives when people feel safe, seen, and supported. That is possible online but it takes intention; it takes commitment; and it takes the humility to admit that we’ve been waiting too long to make it happen.

Final thoughts

Mentorship has always been more than career advice. It’s about belonging to the tribe. It’s about someone saying, “You’re not alone. You matter here.” In a remote first world, that kind of connection is more difficult than ever to make. It’s not impossible though.

We, the mentors, have to stop waiting for it to happen on its own. We have to stop pretending that Zoom is the problem. The real solution rests on our shoulders.

Exercising Your Grit: A Lifestyle of Personal Achievement