Good Mentorship Starts with Good Mentor / Mentee Fit

At work, people are often asked to mentor someone with the bests of intentions but with very little practical direction. That commonly plays out with a manager saying “This person has lots of potential. Can you do some mentoring to get them to the next level?”. That feels reasonable and if you have been in that situation you probably agreed to help but suddenly you’ve got a weekly 1:1 on your calendar with no agenda or even clarity about goals for your new would-be mentee. Worse is that the fundamental question hasn’t been answered; are you and your new mentee actually a good fit?

These setups are almost always a lose / lose. Fit is the most important part of any successful mentorship yet it is the least talked about. It’s rarely part of the conversation. Too often mentorship is treated like a blanket management solution. Someone isn’t performing well? Assign them a mentor. Someone wants to be promoted? Assign them a mentor. How often has that really worked out for folks?

Mentorship isn’t some sort of knowledge transfer or process for leveling up. It’s a relationship built on shared values, mutual respect, and trust. Without that even the best advice won’t land. All too often it leads to a bunch of shallow conversations and both people wondering why nothing clicks.

Mentorship without fit is a waste of time

Mentoring someone who isn’t a good fit doesn’t just fall flat. It is draining for both. That comes from a lack of real connection. It’s a bad relationship being forced to happen. You can’t force good fit either. Mentorship only works when both people have that real connection on values, mindset, and how they approach growth.

Unfortunately, remote work encourages these bad setups. Folks wanting to mentor frequently jump straight into goals and check-ins without spending nearly enough time at the start to see if they have anything in common with their mentees. Most mentees won’t say anything; they’re trying to be professional because they are at work. That means it is on the mentor to slow down. They have to see if that connection is possible and then establish it. That means spending more time upfront and looking for that common ground that goes beyond the workplace. There isn’t a virtual coffee room or water cooler in the remote environment so that often means spending even more time.

What fit actually looks like

Fit isn’t about personalities, interests, or similar job titles. It’s not “yay! we’re both engineers” or “ya! we work in the same org.” It’s deeper than that. It is about shared personal values and trust. While the mentor and mentee will be at different points of their respective growth journeys, they are in effect on the same one; they fundamentally believe in the same core principles.

The best mentorships I’ve had weren’t built around projects, work, or domain expertise. They were built on how we approach personal growth and by extension life. I look for people who believe in the same things I do; my love of challenging myself; finding my limits; and pushing beyond them while at the same time giving back to the people and communities that gave me those opportunities. My belief system ties directly to what I appreciate in a job as well as in my running. When I find a mentee that appreciates the grind just like me while also trying to make the world just a little bit better, we connect almost immediately. We don’t waste time talking about work goals. We talk about doing hard things; finding our limits; and eventually pushing past them.

That kind of fit, fortunately, is pretty common. Friendships and communities are formed around shared values and principles. So finding good mentor / mentee fit is definitely possible but you still can’t just assume it will be there. That’s why I don’t say yes to every mentorship request. I look for that connection and if it isn’t there, I say no. Not because I don’t care but because I do.

Knowing when and how to say no

Saying no or not right now isn’t a rejection. It’s a decision to protect your energy, respect theirs, and create space for mentorships that truly work.

Saying no to mentorship is hard especially when you care about helping people. Sometimes, though, it’s the right thing to do.

The easy no is when the mentee makes the choice for you. If they are missing your meetings; showing up unprepared; or keeping things surface level that indicates that they’re not a good fit. They are looking for something different in their mentors. In this situation, they quietly opt out.

The hard no is when the mentee is showing up, trying to engage, but regrettably the connection just isn’t there. The conversations revolve around topics that don’t resonate or engage both of you. Those are the one sided chats where you find yourself doing all the talking or struggling to understand and relate when listening. Neither of you are at fault here. There just isn’t a fit.

It is tricky when there isn’t fit with a mentee that is trying. You definitely want to identify it early though as to not let things drag out. That will take an awkward situation and make it worse; it is why you must always look for fit first. When you have to say no, I have learned that it is best to be honest and kind. I explain that mentorship is entirely optional; it’s not tied to their performance reviews; and nothing about it is going to hold them back professionally. Then I talk about what mentorship really is: a two way relationship rooted in shared values and the ones that work best have a real personal connection. I also commit to helping them find a mentor where they get that. That’s right. When someone is trying to grow, for me it isn’t over until I know they got a mentor that works for them.

Fit is about building trust on day one

You can only be effective with people, not efficient.

Being intentional about mentorship fit doesn’t make you exclusive or elitist. It makes you respectful of the mentee’s time, energy, and frankly trust they are looking to place in someone in order to have hard conversations with them.

When you start with fit, mentorship grows into something more than just sagely advice. You move from structured check-ins to shared challenges. You stop playing teacher and become trusted partners on hard things at work. You have hard conversations which end up having nothing to do with work. You don’t track progress. You end up both focusing on growth; the real hard work.

If you are mentoring someone today where you know there is poor fit, do the right thing and respectfully end it. Then help them find a mentor that works for them. In those situations, it is the best way to help.

Grit, Chips, and M&Ms: How Ultras Became My Personal Growth Plan

I didn’t expect one ultra marathon to have such a big impact on my life. When I signed up to do my first last year, I had several marathons under my belt and was at the point that I felt I could comfortably keep going after completing one. I saw there was literally one that was local to me so I hit the old f-it button to prove to myself that I could do it. I wasn’t planning on dramatically changing my running or mindset. Here I am though. One ultra in the books and I’m completely bought in.

I’ve always loved running. Getting out there everyday and racking miles before work. Half marathons are still my fav. I am hooked. I love the speed and seeing how I rank after each one. I put my time in at the gym and hot yoga studio. Both have been huge for my speed and injury prevention. Marathons have become my excuse to travel and see different parts of the world. I end up hitting a bunch of historic sites while hunting for fridge magnets that speak to me.  

Ultras are a different kind of animal. I know I have only completed one but I’ve done the runner thing and signed up for two more this year. So I’ve been doing the training, the work. For me, ultras are truly about a daily commitment to bonkers miles no matter what and that has translated for me into personal growth.

Personal growth needs a plan (and a lot of snacks)

If you want to really grow, you need a goal. A vision for yourself that matters a lot to you. It needs to be a part of how you define yourself. Then you can easily justify any amount of time you spend working towards it. That’s you investing in you. For me, ultras have become the most honest way to practice investing in myself. Part of my vision for me is endurance. It isn’t about the distance but instead the time spent grinding through miles and challenging trails. It demands and develops consistency, grit, to put in the work to do an ultra.

Side perk, ultras have amazing aid station snacks.

I’ve never been a big junk food guy. Don’t get me wrong, I like a potato chip just as much as anyone else but I just don’t include them as an everyday indulgence. Now enter the trail race. I’ve done both an ultra and a marathon on trails. Unlike regular road races, they have way better snacks. I love getting a handful of potato chips and M&Ms so much. It is something I genuinely look forward to. It’s more than just fuel; it’s part of the celebration of being out in the woods doing the grind that I earned with my training; all the time I put in to do that race and the commitment I made to personal growth to make that moment mine. I honestly don’t look at M&Ms the same way now. 

The simplicity of the ultra commitment

One of the things I love about endurance running is how simple and unending the goal is: be a better runner. That’s it. When it comes to creating a vision, that simplicity and unendingness are absolutes. A vision isn’t signing up for one race. It is the lifestyle that surrounds it. The training, the nutrient, the sleep, and even the recovery are all part of it but so is what you exclude; for me that ended up being tv and video games. Your vision is how you define your lifestyle and that is something that you have to believe in because sometimes everyone around you thinks you’re crazy. 

Simple unending justified insanity.

That isn’t to say that races aren’t meaningful to me. I love race day. They are a great way for me to motivate my training. They are important milestones. When I sign up for one, I am not just blocking off that Saturday or Sunday. I am setting up a roadmap for training and committing to that work. That’s the part I value the most. The work.

Signing up for an ultra means I’m committing to doing something for myself every single day. It’s not glamorous or dramatic minus tamper week where every runner is a drama queen. It’s lacing up and getting it done. There’s power in simplicity. You know that you are making a personal investment in you.

My commitment: Leaning into double long runs

The biggest change in my training wasn’t physical. It was mental. One of my friends told me plainly that to train for ultras you have to get used to running on tired legs. To do that, you got to do back to back long runs, a.k.a. double longs. At the time, the idea of doing those was a pretty big blocker for me. I knew before talking to him that I had to do them but was coming up with all sorts of excuses to not. They ranged from working a lot to fearing injury. I don’t quite know what it was that my friend said that stuck with me but it just clicked. If I wanted to take ultras seriously, I had to become comfortable running on tired legs. Period.

Something about just accepting that plain fact allowed me to commit to doing back to back long runs. It just cut through all the lame excuses I was using. Once I accepted that, it was just about showing up and making it something I really looked forward to instead. Remarkably it was listening to audio books that did it. My short runs are all about music. Long ones are where I listen to books written by people I admire or have been burning a hole in my wishlist. That let me see my second long run as another opportunity to have time to listen to those books. 

As I happily trotted through my books, I stopped minding that my legs were tired and started seeing my double long runs as my time every week. Not just for my books or even the miles. It became my new way of training my grit. That allowed me to push through my tired legs and gain more weekly miles. Doing that grind has allowed me to see myself more clearly than I have ever before. I’m not just a nutter that is constantly running. I’m an endurance athlete. Everyday I get out there; I am doing the work and proud of it.

This clarity of vision for myself has changed how I relate to running and hiking. No longer is it just grinding miles or pounding trails. I regularly volunteer at local races and trail maintenance events; I donate to trail and running organizations. These trails, races, and people supporting them have helped me find the space to grow, to learn, and to become more than what I was before. It isn’t just where I like to run anymore. It’s a community that I want to be apart of as much as possible. It’s something else that snapped into focus for me.

Going after the hard thing

If ultras have taught me anything, it’s that personal growth doesn’t happen by chance. It only comes from committing to something; following up on that something; and following through on that something day after day. 

Everyone can commit to doing a hard thing. If you don’t have a hard thing or if it is still fuzzy, this is what you need to do:

Choose a goal that has a direct line to something that is very important to you

You might not have a clear vision for who you want to be. I certainly didn’t. I did know however what was important and that meant I would be willing to commit to doing the work and putting in the time. 

Remember that good goals are simple and unending.

Make a plan that demands daily effort

It has to be daily. There is no part time when it comes to doing a hard thing that is important to you. We all have jobs and family but don’t let them be excuses for not doing your hard thing.

If your excuses stop you, that means your goal isn’t actually important to you. If that happens, pick a different one immediately. One that is deeply connected to you.

Follow through every single day

Show up no matter what. Even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or boring. 

Showing up is the hard work. It is always going to be that way because showing up is how you train your grit.

It doesn’t have to be running or even fitness related. That’s important to me so that works for me. There are other things that are important to me that I make time for too like playing piano. What you choose has to matter enough to you that you’re willing to do the work everyday. Not for a prize or applause but because it’s you working on you.

When you hit a milestone on that hard thing, look back at how you showed up again and again to make it there. Celebrate it. Make it your moment. I collect my race medals and stick them to a wall in my living room. I also look forward to hitting those trail race aid stations that have my favorite snacks because… I really do love those potato chips and M&Ms on race day. It’s a salty and sweet moment I made for me.

Using A Weekly Book Study To Help Remote Mentorship

In an early blog post, I talked about how mentorship has suffered in the remote setting. Our opportunities to have ad hoc mentoring moments has been dramatically reduced; Zoom doesn’t let them happen. So as mentors, we have to put more time into intentional ones. One activity that I recently have had success with is a weekly book study. I based it loosely on one that I had with a previous mentor a ways back.

I used these weekly sessions to create space for people I mentor to deeply reflect and grow. I kept the group small, limiting it to three, and only those who were committed to achievement, not chasing titles.

Each week, we listened to a chapter from a leadership audiobook I selected. We met over Zoom for a discussion that I lead. I asked probing questions on the current chapter and pushed for thoughtful reflection on the previous in order to make connections to earlier insights. I made sure everyone spoke and everyone grew.

This wasn’t a book club. It was a practice in personal growth.

Choosing the right people: Achievement, Integrity, and Intent

The success of these sessions didn’t come from the books. Those were the seeds. It came from the people in the (virtual) room.

From the beginning, I was purposeful about the size of the group and who I invited. Keeping it to three made the space intimate and focused. More importantly though was the mindset of the people. I didn’t choose folks chasing a promotion or visibility. I chose those committed to achievement; the kind that shows up in how they work. Those are individuals with integrity and consistently do the right thing even when no one is looking.

That upfront commitment to principle matters as these are the folks that will listen to the chapter at least twice during the week without being told to. They will show up prepared for a discussion and ready to absorb hard lessons. They will also continue to reflect on the session until the next one. They aren’t seeking validation. They’re seeking growth.

This commitment was core to the success of the book study and made the sessions honest, challenging, and deeply rewarding from the start.

Selecting the first book: a reset for personal growth

The first book you choose sets the tone for the study group. It isn’t about picking the hottest leadership title or something tied to performance metrics. It’s about choosing one that hits the reset button on how people think about personal growth. Most aren’t deliberate about how they manage their growth. They don’t carve out space for it. As well, most companies don’t help them prioritize it. So it is critical that your first book does that for them.

It needs to be accessible, engaging, and aligned with your philosophy on personal growth and leadership. It needs to be both educational and entertaining which means it has to be something written in plain language; delivered with authenticity; and infused with relatable stories. Corporate jargon and abstract theory will lose your group. For that reason, the starter book I picked was “Be Useful” by Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

It’s funny. It’s current. It’s narrated in Arnold’s unmistakable voice, which makes it more human than any business text. More importantly, it speaks directly to values that matter: discipline, contribution, service, and resilience. These are qualities at the core of personal growth.

“Be Useful” doesn’t have much to say about team OKRs or sprint planning. That’s exactly the point. It’s not about current projects your mentees are working on. It’s about them and helping them discover who they are; helping them understand how they think; and helping them become the person they want to be.

Don’t mistake that first book for an icebreaker. It’s the commitment you’re making to them.

This space is for you. This space is for your growth. I’m here to help you grow.

Structuring weekly sessions: Consistency, Reflection, and Respect

It is important that the sessions are focused, intentional, and deeply personal. I kept the format simple but consistent to ensure that each one hit the mark. It is that routine that helps promote active listening and reflecting as a group. It avoids the sessions from becoming a task; instead they become a best practice.

Here’s how I ran them:

  • One chapter per week
    The pace matters. One chapter is enough to spark ideas without overwhelming folks with multiple concepts. It keeps the discussion focused by giving each week a clear theme.
  • 30 minutes on the calendar, 45 minutes in practice
    We scheduled it for 30 minutes on Fridays. That mades it easy to say yes to and no one complained when we ran long. That’s because the conversations were meaningful, not performative. I biased for ending on insight than on time.
  • Mentor led, not dominated
    I lead the discussion but made sure to not lecture. I came prepared with a few open questions designed to push everyone to think deeply and to connect themes from past chapters. I also watched for opportunities to slow things down in order to ask how they would have done things differently on a project at work or even a challenge at home.
  • Everyone speaks, every time
    No flies on the wall. Participation was a requirement. To make sure that happened, for the first several weeks, I had everyone first write down their answers in Microsoft Loop before sharing and talking about them. That developed critical muscle memory and set the expectation that everyone has to be involved. Reflection doesn’t count unless you do it out loud.
  • No PowerPoint. No tasks. No performance
    No one ever had coffee with a friend and a PowerPoint presentation broke out. That’s not how trust works. That’s not how mentoring works. These sessions were personal, conversational, and human.
  • Not everything has to be about work
    I made it clear that it was completely okay if questions, challenges, or reflections had nothing to do with work. Mentorship is personal and the things that shape us the most are often are not found at our jobs let alone in JIRA tickets. Personal growth begins in the moments that matter to us as people.

Building momentum

After a few weeks, things started to shift. People started connecting dots. They remembered what others said in previous weeks. They built on each other’s insights. They started looking for opportunities to apply those insights and not just at work but in their lives. They started bring their own real and raw examples and asked better, braver questions.

That’s when I knew the first book had done its job.

The group was no longer just showing up. They were engaged. They were internalizing on the material outside of the session and thinking about how those ideas fit not only into their jobs but into their relationships and habits, their lives. At that point, I knew I had primed their minds for being intentional about growth.

They were now ready for the second book. A much deeper one that pushed them harder and challenged them more on change and growth. These are the books that have material that are hard to digest and put into practice unless they have had a solid first one that opened their minds. The second book I picked was “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey.

Start your own book study

If you’ve read this far, you are probably thinking about what a book study would look like at your work. It’s pretty likely that you already know a couple people who have the right mindset. They’re not chasing promotions. They’re not trying to impress. They’re just quietly committed to getting better. That’s who you work with.

Don’t wait for your company to launch a mentorship program. Don’t ask for permission. Just start. Pick your favorite book and schedule some time each week. 

Buy the audiobooks for your group with your own money

It’s not that much and it will speak volumes about the sincerity of your offer. You’re not making a suggestion or tossing it over the wall. You’re making a clear commitment to them. You’re saying “I believe in you, and I’m willing to invest in your growth.”

That’s how real mentorship works. Through service, not status. So start now. Create the space. Guide the conversation. Challenge their thinking. A few weeks from now, when the momentum builds and you hear someone say “This is the best day of the week”, you’ll know you made a real difference.

Exercising Your Grit: A Lifestyle of Personal Achievement

I am an active marathoner though I only came to it in my mid 40ies. I was motivated initially to get faster at my halves and it has definitely done that. In following a regiment of weekly long runs with daily short ones, I finally broke four hours at the Bend, Oregon marathon this year. However, it has become more than just about the speed for me. It’s about the grind now; something I’ve always been drawn to.

Marathons, unsurprisingly, are hard and require intentional effort and training. I expected that. I was surprised though how naturally it fit into my lifestyle. For all my life, I’ve always worked hard. I identified with working hard. Marathoning gave me perspective that I had not gotten from my career. I realized that I seek achievement on things that are personal to me. I was getting some of that out of my career but it became obvious with marathoning. It challenged me to commit to something that nobody else was asking me to do but me. I found that the pursuit of a personal achievement was me exercising my grit.

To exercise grit is to live a life of personal achievement

Working hard towards a personal goal often gets misunderstood. People on the outside generally see the goal but not all the hard work. So it often gets labeled as ambition or career mindedness. I think there’s a better way to describe it: achievement focused. The personal goal drives and focuses all the hard work, your grit, and the achievements are measures of progress. You have to train your grit just like you would train any muscle. Years of hard and uncomfortable work; measuring incremental progress with achievements; and making tweaks and adjustments to how you work hard and strive for those achievements aimed at that personal goal.

What makes grit powerful is that it’s tied to purpose, a goal that is personal to you. It’s not just endurance or toughness that comes with learning how to work hard. It’s committing to a challenge that deeply matters to you. A challenge that you are willing to get yourself beaten up over and over again just to gain an inch on that mile long journey. That isn’t limited to titles or status. Personal achievements are all the small incremental victories and successes, the inches.

For me, endurance running is one of my passions. Each race completed, every medal, and yes those age group podiums I now occasionally get in local halves are my personal achievements in the journey of getting better at endurance running. I haven’t fully unpacked why that matters so much to me but I know it is a great example of me exercising my grit. 

Personal growth is strengthen your grit

True personal growth does not come from checking a box and it certainly does not come from a title or status. It comes from learning how to grind through the hard work in pursuit of a personal goal. Learning how to not give up and to keep trying and striving no matter how much pain you go through to get that inch. Learning how to grind it out with your eye on the prize while keeping a smile and positive attitude is what builds true character.

That personal goal doesn’t have to be running. That’s just what I am passionate about. For someone else, it might be playing an instrument, creative writing, or cooking. What matters is that the effort is personal to you on a deep level. It is your passion that will drive you to do the hard work, and more hard work, and to keep on working hard because a real personal goal is unending. Remember that true hard work is intentional and uncomfortable; it’s focused on doing something that is hard for you; it isn’t just going through the motions.

True personal goals don’t have defined end states; achievements do. That is why achievements are measures of progress towards a goal. That means you will never be finished. That’s the point. With running, it isn’t about completing a race; it is about doing it better next time whether it is faster or longer. In cooking, it isn’t about following a recipe; it is about perfecting it whether it is through adding personal touches or improving techniques. Creative writing isn’t about finishing one story; it is about becoming a better storyteller.

It is the hard work in the pursuit of that goal that matters because you chose to do it. Progress demands more from you each time. Progress asks you to show up even when it’s hard; especially when it’s hard. Grit is how we meet those hard moments; moments that define us. Achievement is how we know we’ve made progress.

It’s never too late to start exercising your grit

I started marathoning in my 40ies. It wasn’t some radical departure from who I was as I already loved running. I did, however, make a much deeper commitment to it. I became intentional about it. I leaned into the hard work. Everyone has a thing that they love but not everyone has grit. Maybe you’ve been circling something for years, waiting for the right time or signal to begin. Stop waiting and just commit. 

If you have something you love doing, regardless of what anyone else thinks, take it to the next level. No shortcuts. No judgment. Just commitment and start doing the hard work, the grind. The sooner you commit, the sooner you start exercising your grit, the sooner you start realizing true personal growth.

Where did all the mentors go: Why workplace mentorship is disappearing and it isn’t just because of Zoom

The pandemic forced remote work and Zoom meetings on us. It has changed how we work with people. It’s faster. It’s more efficient. It’s also way more transactional. Gone are random hallway chats, coffee breaks that turn into career conversations, and the subtle cues we just picked up on by being around each other. It is a bit lazy for anyone to point at Zoom for the decline in mentorship; it is only part of the story.

The reality is that mentorship was fragile before the pandemic. It always has been because real mentorship is hard for companies and managers to “develop” or “invest in”. It isn’t their fault though. Mentoring is focused on personal growth and development of people; not the delivery of a good or service. It isn’t surprising that most companies barely reward or recognize mentors let alone have figured out how to make it work across distances. Remote work didn’t destroy mentorship; it just revealed how little corporate infrastructure there is to support it.

Remote workers were never full members of the tribe

Prior to the pandemic, remote employees were often kept at arm’s length from office culture. They dialed in; participated in meetings; got their work done; but weren’t part of casual conversations, last minute brainstorms, or spontaneous mentoring moments that happen by being in the office. They weren’t in the room when the real relationships were being built and that was an accepted norm.

Many of us are remote at least part of the time now so the entire workplace has taken on a more distant feeling. There are fewer chances to connect informally; fewer opportunities for junior employees to ask offhand questions; and fewer moments for senior employees to notice someone that is starting to stand out. The office environment that naturally allowed for mentorship never really materialized over Zoom.

Mentorship is not management: It shouldn’t be measured

A big misconception about mentorship is that it’s just another management activity. 

It’s NOT.

Mentorship is a voluntary, relational act. It’s rooted in trust, curiosity, and a willingness to be vulnerable on both sides. A good mentor doesn’t just spout advice. They make space for someone to grow, stumble, and ask questions that they don’t feel safe asking. Mentors create and lead the tribe.

Mentorship is very personal and the fit between mentor and mentee goes both ways. So it can’t be assigned or measured. The moment it gets included in a performance review or tied to a metric, it will turn into a checkbox where people will go through the motions to have it marked as done. That’s not mentorship. That’s a lose / lose.

Why do some people mentor and others don’t

Whether or not someone mentors is personal. You can’t force someone to mentor or fault them if they don’t. That is like choosing who your kid’s friends are. For those that do mentor, there are a range of reasons.

Some mentor because someone did it for them. Others because they genuinely care about helping people grow. Maybe they see someone that reminds them of a younger version of themselves.

Mentorship takes time, emotional labor, and a degree of cultural fluency. There are many people that want to mentor but don’t because it is challenging and Zoom has made it even harder. Not only is it more difficult to mentor but also to get advice and guidance on how to be effective at it; the mentorship of the mentor. Without guidance, support, or community, even the most well meaning potential mentors get frustrated and give up.

Without mentors, junior employees drift. They feel isolated, unsupported, and unsure how to navigate a workplace where so much happens off camera.

We don’t know how to build tribes online

The decline of mentorship is not a scheduling issue. It’s a cultural one. In physical offices, mentors play a huge role in building the tribe. They are the ones who tell the backstories, explain the unspoken and off book rules, and make others feel like they belong. In a remote first world, that tribe is harder to build because in truth we’ve never invested in building it.

Slack channels, Zoom meetings, and digital dashboards are great for getting things done but they do nothing for relationships. What’s missing is the social component: the shared jokes, the casual check ins, the mutual recognition that we’re in this together. Without that, mentors don’t have a way to add new tribe members.

Tribal culture

Those of us that want to mentor don’t need more formal mentorship programs. We just need to do things differently. That is going to involve spending a bunch of personal time experimenting, failing, and eventually figuring out things that work for you and your mentees.

  • Virtual break rooms and hallways: Create digital spaces that aren’t about work or projects and are limited to only 2 or 3 people. Small is good because when is the last time you had a deep coffee chat with a party of 8.
  • Be a proactive mentor: More than ever it is on you to seek and create mentoring opportunities. You can’t rely on bumping into people in the break room over coffee or lunch. You have to make these moments happen and trust that people will appreciate them.
  • Allow the tribe to form: Stop trying to systematize mentorship. It can’t be forced. Let it happen naturally. Focus on the relationships and the people.

Mentorship thrives when people feel safe, seen, and supported. That is possible online but it takes intention; it takes commitment; and it takes the humility to admit that we’ve been waiting too long to make it happen.

Final thoughts

Mentorship has always been more than career advice. It’s about belonging to the tribe. It’s about someone saying, “You’re not alone. You matter here.” In a remote first world, that kind of connection is more difficult than ever to make. It’s not impossible though.

We, the mentors, have to stop waiting for it to happen on its own. We have to stop pretending that Zoom is the problem. The real solution rests on our shoulders.